Yesterday we took a look at 7 of the top Online dating sites for men. Now we are going to see how to get more interactions and more dates with the kind of women you want, no matter which site you choose, and look a little deeper into David DeAngelo’s program for meeting more women Online
Many of the things that hold men back when it comes to dating in the real world, can hold them back in Online dating too, if they do not remember to leave those things behind when in cyberspace. The biggest mistake men make in letting the right woman get away is not taking advantage of all opportunities when they are right in front of them - this is as true Online as in reality. The men who are the most successful at Online dating make use of every tool that the site they are using offers them. You probably signed up for a given site because you liked their particular features – use them. Yes it is true that your profile can work to bring women to you, but if you really want to increase the odds you have to stack the deck a bit.
E-mails
E-mails are one of the primary methods of contact when using Online dating services. Again do not carry that awkwardness or the reservations you may have about approaching women in the real world Online – you have the opportunity here to correspond with so many potential partners that you really have nothing to lose. Do not fret over that great “opening line”. Ask a simple question that will have to elicit a response, don’t try so hard to be “original”. Relationship expert David Deangelo, author of Meeting Women Online, says attempts at originality in e-mails are just the opposite – what you think is an original line has been used by dozens of previous senders. Believe it or not a simple “where are you from” – if that is not in their profile can be a great conversation starter for an Online date. Do not be overtly flirty or sexual in e-mails (again not unless you are on an adult site, but even here there can be rules governing obscenity and offensiveness). Be brief – do not ramble and “go on” about yourself. Remember especially if you are really interested in somebody, with some of the barriers down that exist in real meeting situations, there can be a tendency to come on too strong Online. Relax and take your time to build mutual interest. Don’t be overly gushing or complimentary, after all you hardly know this person – yet.
David DeAngelo says one of the keys to Online communicating and to doubling or tripling the number of women you meet on line is to be “Cocky and Funny.” It is part of the classic “take away strategy” of sales pros. Using it you can approach any woman Online in such a way that you playfully, but humorously poke fun at them and make them feel that they should be honored to be communicating with you, not the other way around. Then once you have their interest you back away in just the right way – that leaves them dying to hear from you again. David understands that women are “wired” different than men and says this style of communication actual triggers attraction in women on a subconscious and primal level. We will discuss more on “Cocky and Funny” and other sure-fire Online communications techniques in our next chapter.
Make it Part of Your Routine
Another big mistake a lot of men make, is signing up for an Online dating site and then not taking the time to use it. That is like paying for a Gym membership and then never going. Men today have very busy lives - that is part of what makes it difficult to meet women in the first place, but success with Online dating takes a certain amount of discipline to use the tools at your disposal. The best way to do that is to build your Online dating time into your daily routine. That means a specific half-hour a day set aside in the morning before work, after work, or during your lunch hour (be careful not to be cruising dating sites while at work). Log on and look at profiles, write or respond to e-mails, or update your own profile. Like in any game the best way to increase your odds of winning is to play more often. All of the sites we mentioned always have updates and tips and relevant articles about Online dating, you never know when spending some time reading those will result in gaining that little piece of info that helps you get that next date.
What The Pros Have to Say
Liz H. Kelly dating coach, and Author of The Fast Track Dating Guide for finding Mr. or Ms Right offers several tips for Online “flirting” with e-mails. First and foremost she says to have fun, and be humorous, it may sound like an old cliché started by desperate male stand up comics but studies show that women really do love a man with a sense of humor. Liz also suggests that you look carefully at a woman’s photo and ask a specific question about a detail in the picture – “Like what were the winters like going to school in Boston” if she happens to be wearing a “B.U.” sweatshirt – it shows you care about details and notice things, a quality woman like. Same thing goes for asking a specific question about something in their profile – like how “long have you been playing guitar” or if she says she likes “red wine and fireplaces” ask what her favorite Cabernet is.
Here’s another helpful tip the pros recommend – change with the seasons. Update your profile with seasonal references like special holiday memories or specific winter/summer activities you enjoy – this may not only help you click with that special someone, it also shows women on the site that you are active and not sticking with a stagnant profile. Laurie Puhn, communications specialist and author of Instant Persuasion says, “By inserting a seasonal reference in there, you give people a reason to get in touch…” She ads however “Don’t forget to change your holiday specific headline or holiday references back as soon as the festivities are over” or you’ll end up looking like a slacker.
All experts agree that the number one way to increase your odds at a successful Online experience is to have clear goals as to what you are looking for, be honest with yourself about your dating desires and act appropriately. If marriage is your ultimate goal then you really have no business communicating with a member who is clearly in no position to settle down. On the other hand you may be just looking for a casual dining companion, but you need to respect that some people are on the site seeking something more serious. Now that is not to say that you need to spell out your goals in your profile, you just need to be honest with yourself and act with honor and integrity once it becomes clear you and your date are on different wavelengths. That way, everyone involved will be on track to finding who and what they are looking for that much quicker.
In tomorrow’s e-mail we will discuss in greater detail the tools and techniques to attract women with more effective Online communications
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